Dear Church Ladies: Would You Use This Beer Bottle Opener?

Are you, well, 'ballsy' enough for this 'thunder from down under'?

Written by Outdoor Beasts Staff on January 2, 2018

Are you, well, ‘ballsy’ enough for this ‘thunder from down under’?

Think of it like a lucky rabbit’s foot. Only Australian.

Where the sense of humor is a little bit… earthy.

Church ladies won’t find this funny. They might get grumpy. Or even teste. (Not a typo. It’ll make sense when you keep reading.)

What do you use to open a cold one?

A knife?

Your teeth?

Screw that!

Use Roo Balls!

They’re just what you think they are: a bottle opener attached to a pair of kangaroo balls. Because… why the Hell not?


The Eastern Grey Kangaroo Testicle Bottle Opener (Above) is rough around the edges and unafraid to show it’s scars. Made from the scrotum of a real Eastern Grey Kangaroo, this bottle opener combines functionality and novelty in one tool. It speaks of raw power and a life well lived. Impress your house guests with this distinctly Australian product.

Made from the scrotum of a real Australian Red Kangaroo, this novel, yet practical gift will make you the envy of your friends and neighbors. BUT BUYER BEWARE – The thick, velvety fur of the Big Red Kangaroo Testicle Bottle Opener may seduce you into to opening just one more. Just don’t fondle them too long!

Please note the Big Red Openers are larger and less common than the Eastern Grey. They maintain their beautiful fur and color better than their Grey cousins. So, hurry up and buy this proud specimen and impress your house guests with this distinctly Australian product.

Here’s a shirt for real men (and women, too):

Why be average? It’s so overrated.

Everyone does that.

You need to Do Epic Sh-t.

If you don’t think so, add some more meat to your diet and read this while you wait for your steak to grill:

Get Doug Giles’ book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation today!

If a person looked to Scripture and paid particular attention to the passages within the Bible that address the topic of hunting, then they’d walk away thinking not only is hunting animals tolerated but it is endorsed by God. And that’s exactly what this little book is about: proving that God, from Genesis to Revelation, is extremely cool with hunters and hunting. I’ll go out on a biblical limb and claim right off the bat that you cannot show me, through the balance of the Bible, that the God of the Scripture is against the responsible killing and the grilling of the animals He created. ~Doug Giles


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