Justin Bieber may need bodyguards to save him from Orlando Bloom but the peach-lipped douche needs no help when it comes to handling bears.
Russian Igor Vorozhbitsyn was en route to his favorite fishing spot when he was savagely attacked by a brown bear. The 42-year-old told Central European News, “I had parked my car and was walking towards the spot I’d marked out when there was a tremendous impact on my back and the bear was on top of me.”
Luckily, Vorozhbitsyn was saved from certain death when his phone cranked out Justin Bieber caterwauling his song “Baby.” At hearing the falsetto pre-pubescent mating cry the bear hightailed it into the woods.
“I couldn’t believe my luck when the phone went off and he fled,” Vorozhbitsyn said. “I know that sort of ringtone isn’t to everyone’s taste, but my granddaughter loaded it onto my phone for a joke.”
Vorozhbitsyn is currently recovering in the hospital where he is being treated for cuts and bruises to his face and chest.
Bieber is currently thinking of asinine things to spend his hundreds of millions of dollars on.
I am currently writing about Justin Bieber’s voice scaring bears while hoping people buy my books so I can pay rent.
Oh, the humanity.